#out loud to myself while i walked a path through the house to get out of it

[jankwritten]

It's so weird - I've had 2 panic attacks in the last 3 days revolving around fears of me not being able to breathe/forgetting how to breathe, and I don't really know why? Like it's so irrational and I know it's irrational, just like I know when it's happening that there is no real threat, and yet I still manage to convince myself that it's real and that I am Dying Immediately. It's partially medicine anxiety - fear that whatever meds I've taken are reacting poorly and shutting my body down.

I've had 4 panic attacks in the last 2 weeks, which is more than I think I've ever had before . The only things that's different is that I started taking sertraline. Is this a common side effect within the first two weeks? I know it can make your anxiety and depression worse, but goddamn. i hope this shit chills out soon.

[darnell-la]

just imagine logan as a lone wolf who lives in a cabin in the middle of the forest and maybe the reader is just an ordinary girl (maybe shes a farmer or a gardener) that lives behind the forest and she needs to cross the path along the forest every day to go home, it goes down to rain and she gets lost, and finds logans cabin.

Then she looks at logan for the first time and its just love at first sight.

Well maybe lust, but also love.

note: Logan lives far from civilization in this story, so you can imagine when a young lady, the only person he sees daily, accidentally steps too far into his property wet and dirty. He can’t help but invite her in and pray for the best.

———

Y/n had been running through the woods for what felt like hours, eyes constantly getting rain in them as her shoes soaked. She could barely feel her feet, and her clothes were drenched.

“Oh my god,” y/n said, coming across Mister Howlett’s house, a man she’d never seen but had heard of. One part of her was happy seeing the house, knowing she had gone the right way, but the other half still hurt her head. She has ten or so minutes of running and no walking.

Y/n walked in front of the house, about to pass until an alarm went off, almost scaring her out of her shoes.

Lights flashed on the young lady as she heard rustling coming from inside the house. “Goddamnit,” she cussed under her breath, realizing she had stepped too far into the man’s property. She never does, but it’s raining hard tonight, and she can barely see.

“Who the fuck is on my property!?” A man asked, voice sounding a bit different than an average male. “I-I’m sorry, I-I always walk this way, I just walked a bit too far into the grass. I-It’s raining heavy out here,” she said, loud enough for him to hear her over the rain.

Logan walked past the frame of his front door, revealing the shotgun he had in hand. At first, she was terrified, but her mind instantly forgot about the weapon in his hands as her eyes scanned the rest of his body.

“I see,” the man said, scanning the young lady. He wore thick blue jeans, with a beat-up heavy belt, and his tank top was white and dirty. Y/n on the other hand had an amazing outfit. A fluffy skirt with an uptight crop top.

Of course, all of it was drenched, but the man had seen how good she looked earlier today, like every day. He never gets a good look at her, but the consistency of her going to work or whatever she did every day, seemed to rub Logan the right way.

“C’mon in — Let the weather cool down a bit,” Logan suggested, tone still unfriendly, but she understood she could’ve woken him up. “Oh, uh- Thank you,” she said as she approached his doorstep.

Once the two met eyes, it was almost like everything from then was in slow motion. The way they blinked, how slow they stepped, when he talked, telling her to take her shoes off for him to dry, and when he locked his front door.

“So — What do you do exactly?” Y/n asked as she shifted on his couch to look at him who was at the end of the same couch she was sitting on. He never sits on the long couch, but tonight, he felt like it.

“Chop wood, give to the community, fix up the land, and cook,” he said before taking a sip of the whiskey he had poured and offered her, but she told him she wasn’t a drinker.

“Sounds like a lot of work,” she said, making him chuckle. “Maybe for you, princess,” the man said with a look over his reading glasses before he looked back down at the newspaper he was reading.

“I work hard — Just in other ways,” she smiled. “And what is it you do, Bub?” The man asked, now placing the newspaper down to listen. He was interested. He didn’t know why, but he was.

“I write online books and sell clothes. These! I made myself. Hope I can dry them without it messing up,” she said as she tugged on her clothes. “You made that?” He asked, slightly surprised.

“Mhm hm — Took a while, but I got through,” she smiled. “Maybe I can dry it. I mean, I don’t think the rain’s gonna slow down anytime soon, so you can just stay here until they air dry in my basement,” he offered.

“You can take my bed. It’s clean, and my room has a lock if it makes you uncomfortable that a man’s in the house,”

Y/n stayed silent, thinking to herself. It didn’t seem like too much of a bad idea. She didn’t know the man, but he was a neighbor. She passes his house all the time, and she’s sure he’s seen her before.

“I’ll stay,” she said, making Logan huff out a breath he didn’t know he was keeping in. “Let’s head upstairs. It’s late, and I was going to close up down here anyway,”

Logan had shown y/n to his room, telling her she could make herself at home as he pulled out a shirt she could wear to bed.

“When you wake up, I’ll have your clothes in front of the door, alright?” He asked. “Okay, uh- I know I’m asking for a lot now, but is it possible to take a shower?” She asked.

Logan looked at her body, almost forgetting she wasn’t clean. Her legs had mud in them, her skin was wet, and her hair had branches in leaves in them. He had ignored all of that before. He hadn’t cared what she looked like. She looked pretty no matter what.

“Of course,” the man said before he went into his closet to grab a towel. “You can use my bedroom bathroom. It’s clean too,” he said, making sure she didn’t feel uncomfortable.

“Thank you for this all. I’ll repay you someday,” she looked up at him as he gave her a towel. “You don’t have to. I would never leave a pretty girl in the dark,” y/n giggled at his response, happy she knew he thought she was pretty.

“Hey, Bub, I almost forgot to give you some soap. Those in there are a bit strong smellin, so I’ve got some normal scents for ya,”

Logan knocked on the door bathroom door a few minutes after the had started the shower. “Oh my, thank you!” Y/n said as she hopped out of the tub and slightly opened the door, covering anything that could be seen.

“Of course, princ-“ the man had cut himself off as he looked behind her, seeing her figure in the mirror. “What's wrong?” Y/n asked as she followed his eyes, looking behind him before she let out a scream.

“Oh my god!” The main tried covering herself up as the door slowly opened. Logan wanted to look away, but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the younger woman.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Y/n said, covering as much as she could as she looked up at him. “It ain’t like Ian seen a naked woman before, Bub,” Logan said. Y/n let out a sigh, knowing a man who looked like him had definitely seen enough naked women to not feel disgusted or anything by her.

“Okay, okay,” she caught her breath, still covering herself up as Logan stood in the door frame, scanning her body. Her wet skin which wasn’t completely clean yet, made him feel a type of way. She made him feel a type of way, but he wanted to be respectful.

“I’ll leave you to it, princess,” Logan said before he went to turn around, but y/n stopped him. “Wait!” She said. “I-I need the soap,” she spoke low, making him realize he never exchanged it with her.

“Oh, shit- Yeah, yeah,” Logan said as he handed the bottle to the young lady. Y/n grabbed it, pulling at it so she could take a shower and ignore how embarrassed he was, but he kept a grip on the bottle.

He had no idea what he was doing, but he wanted to see what she would do.

“Is something wrong, Mister Howlett?” She asked. He loved the way his name rolled off of her lips. He never thought he’d love his last name more. What was this random girl doing to him?

“Yeah, it’s just- I don’t know,” he said, making her smile slightly. “I-If you wanna join me, you can. You know, to save water?” She suggested, surprising the man. She even surprised herself.

“You sure, Bub?” The man wanted to make sure he hadn’t been dreaming all night. “Yes-“ Before she could finish, the man threw the soap bottle to the side, grabbed the woman by her face, and pulled her into a rough passionate kiss, making sure his tongue slipped right in.

Y/n instantly maimed in his mouth at the aggression. He gave back a groan as he picked her up and placed her on the wooden sink counter.

Logan ripped his white tank top off before pulling his jeans down, revealing the hard-on he had since he saw her outside in the rain.

“Got me so fuckin’ hard, Bub. Don’t know why,” he said, making her giggle. “Maybe because I’m pretty?” She suggested, making him laugh. “That’s definitely one reason, Bub,”

Logan spat on his fingers before wiping the across her cunt which was already leaking. “Fuck,” y/n cussed under her breath as her body hitched.

“Mhm, potty mouth,” she said with a smile before he licked his fingers, tasting the mess he had just wiped across. “Fuck, you taste good,”

Logan put his cock in hand before lining up. When he pushed at her entrance, she instantly tightened around him. “Fuck,” Logan groaned, hands gripping the sides of her ass to pull her into him.

“Oh my god,” y/n cried out as his length buried inside of her completely. “Fuck, yes,” the man huffed out as he rested his head on her shoulder. “Ian gonna last,” he admitted, slightly embarrassed, but she loved it.

“Good — Makes me know you like me back,” she said. The man chuckled against her skin, moving his face until his slips were on her neck. “You gonna take it all?” He asked, kissing along her neck with a few nibbles.

“Yes, Mister Howlett,” she said. “C’mon, Bub — Ian that old,” he chuckled as he moved his hips, slowly thrusting into the woman to take in his good or felt, the way she gripped him.

“I like them old,” she admitted. “Oh, really? Is that why you’re so wet right now? Because you’re working my cock so fuckin’ much,” the man said in her ear, making her whine.

“Yes — Yes, that's why,” she admitted again. “Well luckin’ me,” Logan snapped his hips, getting ready to spill deep into her.

“P-Please cum in me,” she begged as she wrapped her legs around his waist, making sure he knew she really wanted it. She needed it.

“Wasn’t gonna do it any else were, Bub,”

[bagopucks]

Q. Hughes - Softly, Sweetly

✄————————————

Quinn Hughes x Fem!reader

Requested✨

Word Count: 2.8k

Warning(s): Just some making out, proofread once <3

—————————————

“And you’re sure they’re not coming home?” I asked softly, slowly stepping out of the car Quinn had picked me up in. The car that his parents didn’t use to take Luke and Jack out.

Quinn and I didn’t have plans to hang out. We’d skipped out on making plans specifically because he was going to go to Jack’s hockey game with his family. I knew things had changed when he texted me two hours after school saying, ‘I’ll pick you up for a movie?’

I knew what that meant. Quinn was a homebody. It meant we were going to lay on the couch, curled up under a million blankets, and watch a cheesy Christmas movie. I was all in.

“Hockey games take like.. three hours with all the breaks and stopping. We have a lot of time.” Quinn assured me, and I knew we had even more time considering the rink Jack was playing at, was an hour away. He rushed over to my place to get me the second he knew his parents hadn’t turned around to come back after forgetting something.

Quinn grabbed his house keys and unlocked the front door, letting me step inside first and shed the winter coat I’d been wearing. I hung it on the coat rack next to the door. When I looked back at Quinn, he was smiling at me. The simple sight of his lips turned upward made me blush. Especially when I knew it was something I did to make him so happy.

“You walk around here like you own the place,” Quinn teased, pushing the door shut and wrapping his arms around my torso to hug me.

“I’m sorry?” I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

“No.. no I love it. I want you to walk around our house like this some day.” His words caught me off guard, but it wasn’t the first time Quinn had mentioned something of the sort. I did at times too.

Being seniors in high school, we both had individual paths we wanted to take. One thing we knew for sure though, was that we wanted to stay together. But Quinn and I were practical people. We were both afraid it might not work out like that. So we counted our blessings while we had them, and decided to cherish the time knew we had together.

“What’s on the agenda tonight, Quintin?” I asked softly, sighing as the dark haired boy pulled away from me. He began to step out of the entryway before I grabbed his wrist. “Shoes.”

My simple reminder had Quinn quickly kicking his wet shoes off before I released his hand and let him go. I kneeled over to untie and take off my own shoes. I set them aside before stepping further into the house.

“I thought.. maybe a blanket fort?” Quinn’s voice grew distant as he wandered down the hall. I heard a door open, then a quiet grunt.

“I’ve been told I’m a professional at those!” I responded loud enough for him to hear, my eyes lit up when Quinn returned with a large folded comforter.

“Really? That’s good..” a nervous laugh fell from his lips. “Jack says I suck at them.” His words made me laugh quietly. Jack always criticized his brothers. Ever the loud and opinionated middle child. “Come help me get the rest of the blankets off my bed.”

It was clear Quinn thought nothing of the offer, but I’d never been in his room before. It was a rule: no girls in the bedrooms. It made me wonder if Quinn simply forgot, or chose to ignore it since we were alone.

I followed behind him, hesitant but excited as I stepped through the door of his room. It was painted a deep blue, decorated with hockey items and knickknacks. I allowed myself time to look everything over before my eyes landed on Quinn. Just in time to see him tossing blankets at me.

“Quinn Hughes!” I chastised through another laugh. I did my best to hold what I could, while Quinn gathered the rest and led me back out of his room.

I almost fell down the steps on the way back to the living room. I didn’t find it funny, but Quinn certainly did.

Once we got to the living area, we dropped our blankets on the floor and stood side by side. Ready to put our heads together and construct the best blanket fort known to man kind.

I’d give Jack credit where credit is due… Quinn really did suck at blanket forts.

I’d get something draped or situated, and a moment later I’d see the blanket completely fall. Only to look up at the guilty culprit.

“Q.. I love you.. I really do,” I began at one point, staring him down. He immediately pulled his hands away from the light blue sheet he was trying to situate over one of the barstools he’d brought up from the basement.

“You’ve gotta stop messing shit up. We’ll never get to the movie.”

After that, Quinn didn’t touch anything unless I told him to. Once I had things somewhat situated, I allowed him to set up the inside. That, he was much better at. When I finished the outer shell, I knelt down in front of the opening and spotted him setting up a few pillows. Blankets covered the floor too, and the throw pillows from the couch were placed around for extra padding on the sides.

Quinn seemed in his own world, so I let him do his thing, watching. He paused at one point, examining his work, biting his lip, before he went in to fluff one of the pillows. When he turned to call me, he practically jumped out of his skin.

“Dude!”

Ah yes, so affectionate.

“It looks good in here.” I sat on my knees, still outside of the fort. We were missing a few things. I didn’t want to get comfy yet.

“Thanks.” Quinn flashed me a brief smile before slipping out from beneath the fort. I stood with him. “Do you want to grab snacks? And I’ll grab the iPad?”

It sounded like a good compromise to me. I nodded.

“Maybe two bottles of water too!” I heard Quinn call as we went our separate was.

We joined up again outside of the fort, my arms full of various chip bags and a box of goldfish. Quinn’s only held his iPad. He helped by taking a few of the snacks from my hands.

Quinn directed me to the side of the fort where the pillow he previously fluffed was. I was the first to get comfortable and lay out snacks, while he had gone to turn off the lights in the living room. When Quinn came back, I was already scrolling through his iPad for movies to watch. He was quick to take up the empty space next to me, leaning on his elbow to see the screen so he could help.

“What are we in the mood for?” I asked quietly, eyeing the comedy section of the streaming service.

“What about The Mighty Ducks?” A different request than usual, but I could cope with that. It was a good movie.

“You got it, Quinny.” I moved one of my hands from the iPad, and subconsciously reached to rest my hand on the back of his head. I carded my fingers gently through his hair.

After I found the movie, Quinn and I got the iPad set up between us. We both laid on our sides, arms tucked beneath our heads for better elevation.

For the good first half of the film, we were pretty occupied. But after a while, I started to notice Quinn stealing occasional glances at me.

I tried to play oblivious. Part of me was really enjoying the movie. But it was impossible to ignore Quinn when he hoisted himself up on all fours and climbed over both the iPad and my body.

“Quinn.” I mumbled, turning my head to watch him settle on his side behind me, wrapping an arm around me. “What are you doing?”

“Wasn’t comfortable.” It was the only response he would offer before his gaze had fallen on the iPad again. My eyes followed shortly after.

Silence fell upon us again. I had to admit I enjoyed being in his arms like this a lot more than across from him.

Quinn’s head eventually dropped to the pillow beside mine. I assumed he’d gotten uncomfortable holding it up, but those assumptions were proven wrong when I felt his warm lips press against the nape of my neck. My heart fluttered.

“Quinn. The movie,” I whispered. I reached back to gently push his head away. I wouldn’t have minded a little fun, but I had to give him some trouble first.

“Come on,” he mumbled, moving his hand to my hip. “We’ve seen it a million times.” His words caused me to chuckle.

I finally rolled over. “Yeah.. I wonder why.” I was quick to shoot back. Quinn deadpanned, then rolled his eyes.

“You’re so mean sometimes.” This time it was my turn to roll my eyes. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his own, then ended our chaste kiss with a sigh. Quinn didn’t look particularly satisfied. He was in one of those moods.

It wasn’t long before he reconnected our lips, his hand gently rested against my cheek. There’s something so exciting and yet so intimate about kissing Quinn when I wasn’t even supposed to be around him. We were alone together and nobody knew. It’s like we were finally adults in some form or another.

I shifted my body closer to his, our legs tangling together. My hand found the hem of Quinn’s shirt, and slipped beneath it. I giggled into the kiss at the sound of his quiet gasp. My hands must have still been cold.

“You could have warned me,” Quinn whispered quietly as he parted our lips. At first I wasn’t certain what he was talking about.

“My hands?” I smirked and slowly slid them up his chest beneath his shirt. A shiver befell Quinn. “Too cold for Mr. ice hockey?” My taunting earned a sarcastic, ‘ha-ha’ from him.

“I’d ask to take your shirt off, but wouldn’t want you to freeze to death.” Quinn’s eyes never left me. His brow rose as if to ask if I was serious. I gave him a ‘duh’ look in response.

“Have at it.” His words made me snicker. I was careful when I sat up, and tossed one of my legs over his side to straddle him and rest on his hips.

Quinn’s hands found my thighs. He rested them there and smiled up at me as I removed my own hands from beneath his shirt. I leaned forward to reconnect our lips in a much deeper kiss than before. There was a nip at my lip, and I had responded appropriately with one to his own. Still screwing with Quinn even though he was trying to have an intimate moment.

“C’mon,” I parted our lips to whisper. I pushed Quinn’s hands away from my hips, and slipped my own back beneath his shirt to pull it off over his head. A few strands of his beautiful dark hair had been pulled out of place. I tossed his shirt aside, covering the iPad and dimming the only light we had. I could just barely see Quinn, but he looked excited anyway.

My hands ran the expanse of his chest, down to his stomach, up his sides. Quinn’s eyes had fallen at some point to watch my hands. Even as they had travelled up to his shoulders and down his arms, eventually stopping to grab his hands and place them back on my hips. But he had other plans when they slipped to grip my ass.

“You’re the most magnificent person I have ever met.” My words came out as whispers. I leaned forward and reconnected our lips, Quinn‘s hands squeezed in response. It only took a moment before his tongue dragged across my bottom lip, and who was I to deny him access?

I parted my lips for him as one of Quinn’s hands had moved and slipped beneath my shirt to hold onto my hip. He hummed. From what I assumed was pleasure. I carefully dragged my hips against his own, and earned a groan in response. Quinn’s hands ventured further up beneath my shirt, slipping behind my back in hopes of finding my bra clip. His hands halted in their tracks when his phone began to ring. That distinct tone he had set for one person in particular. We stared each other down before I shook my head.

“Answer it.” I knew it was his mom.

He lazily reached for his phone, mumbling something about his mother before answering the call and placing it on speaker.

“Hey, sweetie. I just wanted to let you know we might be back a little later. Traffic was bad on the drive up here. Your father thinks it’ll be worse on the way back.” Ellen’s voice made me smile. The woman was always so kind and personable.

“It’s alright, mom. I think I can keep myself entertained.” I had to cover my mouth to conceal my giggles at his words.

“I know. I know. I just worry leaving you home alone sometimes.” I gently hooked a finger in the waistband of Quinn’s shorts. A surprised gasp left his lips.

“Quinn?”

“I’m okay mom.. sorry- I was just.. I’m okay.” Quinn tried to push my hand away as he spoke, but I gave him a hard time nonetheless, wiggling my hips. His eyes closed tightly, and he drew his bottom lip between his teeth to silence the noise that threatened to escape.

“Sweetie, you promise you’re okay?” Ellen’s concern was endearing, but something neither of us wanted at the moment.

“I’m fine.” His voice was strained, and silence followed his words. Then the screen lit up and Quinn and I both looked down at his phone. Ellen was trying to FaceTime him.

“Holy shit-“ I mumbled out as I climbed off his lap, scrambling to get out of the blanket fort while he grabbed his phone and answered the call.

“Quinn.” His mother sounded suspicious. “Did you hurt yourself? Is everything okay?” Quinn sat up as his mother spoke.

“I’m okay mom. I promise! I just had- it’s nothing.” He adjusted his shorts, glancing up at me before looking back at the phone. I tried to remain as still and quiet as possible.

“Honey..” Ellen sighed, “I swear to god if you have your girlfriend over..” She sounded concerned.

“Mom!” Quinn combated her tone with offense in his own. “You know that’s not me. That’s all Jack.”

My brow rose in a silent, ‘seriously?’ This might have been the first time Quinn had me over without permission, but it certainly wasn’t the first time we’d been together without somebody knowing. Silence followed. Ellen seemed to be deciding whether or not she believed him. Then she sighed.

“Alright.. alright.. I’m sorry honey. I just- after that last incident.. can’t blame me for being a little nervous.” I had to cover my mouth once again not to laugh.

The ‘last’ incident was more like a horror story. Jack had been in trouble for weeks over the whole situation. His mother still got tense about leaving him home alone because of it.

“It’s okay mom. We’re fine.” Quinn spoke, too carefree after assuming he was in the clear.

“We?”

I was sure both of our hearts dropped to our stomachs at the same time.

“You idiot!” I mouthed.

“Quintin.” Ellen spoke sternly. She didn’t have to snap or yell at him to get him to give in. She knew that.

Quinn hung up. My eyes went as wide as they could have possibly gone.

“Quinn! Did you just hang up on her?” I had never seen Ellen when she was furious, nor did I want to.

“I hung up on her.” Quinn confirmed before his phone lit up again.

“You hung up on your mother!” I scolded, and the realization of his actions finally dawned on him.

“Do I answer her again?” Quinn questioned frantically. I gave him a ‘duh’ face before placing my hands on my hips. I would have hated to see Quinn in trouble, but at the same time, it was his mother.. and I didn’t know what else to do aside from encouraging him to turn himself in.

Quinn looked down at his phone and answered the call once again.

It wasn’t on speakerphone.

I still heard Ellen yell his full name at the top of her lungs.

Quinn and I both crossed ourselves when we heard the sound of his mother’s voice.

I knew one thing… I wanted to be home with every door and window locked before Ellen got back to her son. Lest her wrath fall upon me as well.

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[k4ulitzs]

can you do that y/n is gustavs sister and that she comes home drunk + ALSO the rest of the band is there and its their first time meeting her and tom IMMEDIATELY falls inlove saying he will take care of her,

you can make the end!

basically just fluff 😆

care ~ tom kaulitz

fluff.

this is so cuteee, thank you so much for the request anon! Much appreciated 💕

Tilting my head back and downing another shot, the alcohol burning my throat on the way down. I had been here for god knows how long, and I was that wasted that I swore I could see stars. "y/n, I'm gonna call you a cab, you're wasted." my friend shouts over the blaring music, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I say nothing, my whole body too hazy to process anything.

Before I knew it, I was stumbling out the club, and into the taxi my friend called for me. Telling him where to take me. I lean my head back, definitely not excited that I left for the club whilst in an argument with my brother gustav, he was most likely going to be pissed at me for coming home in such a state.

The taxi reaches our house, me opening the door and drunkenly stumbling out, my legs barely carrying my weight. I trip over almost everything while walking up the path, banging into the front door with a loud thud. "owwww!" I groan, pissed by my own drunk state if I was honest. Before I can reach for the handle, the door swings open.

As I imagined, it was my brother gustav, with obviously an unpleased look etched upon his face. "jesus christ, it's 4am y/n! I've been worried sick, I've called you, messaged you, but you never picked up! I even went out looking for you at one point, and-" his rambling comes to an end when I interrupt him. "love you too." I slur, moving him out the way and walking into the house, throwing my small purse onto the side table.

As I walked through the house, I aim for the living room, hearing a couple voices emitting from there. I peek around the door frame, and see the band all sat on the sofa.

I quickly move out of view, but the way it went silent told me I wasn't being slick at all. Gustav walks past me, still looking pissed, and sits on the other sofa. "guys, this is my sister y/n. as you can see, she's not the expert at first impressions." he rolls his eyes. Guiding me in with his hand.

I step in, "uhh.. hello..." I wave awkwardly, my eyes landing on the dread headed boys ones, him already looking at me as though he was in love and in awe. "y/n this is georg, bill and tom. They'll be staying for the night." he says, looking at me as if he expected me to just agree.

"uhm, no? There's no room, gustav." I roll my eyes. "sharing is caring." he replies with a shrug.

"what?! None of them are sharing with me, I barely know them!" I huff, throwing my hands in the air. "y/n, you're drunk, just get some rest will you?" he says, clearly annoyed at this back and forth argument.

"bill, georg, you guys can have the spare room. Tom, would you mind... Helping her?" he whispers the last part, making it less obvious to me what he was saying. But it was obvious gustav didn't want to help me himself, as he was still pissed at me.

Tom nods, standing up off the sofa and walking towards me. "where's your bedroom?" he asks, basically eye-fucking me.

I point to my room which was down the hall, he nods and rests the palm of his hand on my lower back, walking me to my room.

I open my door and trip into my room, "woah, watch yourself." he takes my hands and guides me to my bed. I mumble a small 'mhm' and sit down on my bed, drunkenly reaching down and attempting to take my heels off, however failing miserably. I feel tom's gaze all over me.

"need help love?" he grins, tongue poking out to fiddle with his lip ring. "please." I sigh out, lifting myself up and resting my hands behind me on the bed. He nods, walking over to me and kneeling infront of me, delicately taking my heels off.

He pats my thigh before sitting on the bed beside me, hand snaking around my waist, making their way down to the hem of my dress, stopping as his eyes scanned mine, searching for any disapproval. I nod my head, him then nodding too and slipping my dress up.

His pillowed fingertips caressing my thighs as he moved his hands up. I watch his hands, moving my arms up so he can slip my dress over my head. He let's out a breath, tossing my dress on the floor somewhere.

His hands slowly move up my body slowly, making sure no curve goes untouched. "you're... Beautiful." he breathes out. My cheeks burn warm, and I look away. Moving back on my bed and getting under the sheets. Closing my eyes.

I hear him sit up off the bed, but before he can leave, I grab his wrist. "stay..." I mumble.

He let's out a sigh, me being able to feel him smirking. He moves over to the other side of the bed, slipping in beside me as I feel his warmth on my back. His hand snakes around my waist, making small circle shapes on my belly with his thumb.

"goodnight beautiful." he whispers, his soft lips leaving a small kiss on my shoulder, me smiling, and us both falling asleep.

~

Hope you enjoyed! Hope I did you proud dear anon, sorry it took me so long to post! I'm so tired so if the ending is bad, I'm aware it shows😭 so this isn't proofread yet 🔥🔥

Send anything in <3

[apomaro-mellow]

Runaway Royalty 2

Part 1

They stopped in the capital city, able to find an inn that was still open. Steve had been determined to really pound the pavement all night just to get as far as possible before anyone realized he was gone. Robin was the sensible one, telling them it made no sense to burn the midnight oil just to be groggy and lost in the woods come morning.

He had to admit it was a good idea once he got a good look at himself through a mirror. He’d really just chopped his hair without any real thought to it. He thought he had kept the scissors even but looking now showed there were consequences. So he sat on a stool while Robin evened it out, combing it to something leagues more fashionable.

It still curled around his ears and came off his nape, but it was still a big change from the waves of brown that ran down his back from before. He’d miss them, for sure. But it was necessary to keep his identity a secret.

They savored their last night in a real bed and the next morning they officially set out. The night before they had gone over their plan. They’d go south. While they’d be moving closer to Prince Edwin’s homeland, something Steve had been against at first, they’d also have an easier time blending in. 

To the west was a land where Steve didn’t know the language (Robin did, the show off) and to the east was the shore. So to the south it was, to use the money they had to settle into a house. The trail they were on was well traveled. They’d keep to the main roads when they could. 

They got into talking about their future lives and Robin figured she could make a living doing a number of things - woodcutter, printer, butcher, baker, candlestick maker.

“You really want to do all that?”, Steve asked.

“It’s not like I’ll do them all. I’m trying to have options. Didn’t you think you’d have to get a job?”

Steve scoffed. “Of course I did.”

…. “And what are you gonna be?”

“Well I have options, don’t I? Apparently.”

“So tell me one.”

“Why are you nagging me, I’ll get a job when we get there”, Steve said.

“I want you to admit that you had no plan!”, Robin badgered, slapping his arm.

“I had a plan! I just didn’t plan for you!”

Robin huffed. “Well you should.” She crossed her arms. “You should always plan for me. If I had woken up this morning and you weren’t there I would’ve-”

Steve stopped walking. “You would’ve what?”

Robin had walked a few steps ahead and turned back to face him. “I don’t know! Taken our armies out to search for you? Drag you back home myself?!”

Steve hadn’t thought about it. Or rather, he’d been trying not to. It had nearly shattered his heart, thinking he had to leave his sister behind. He wouldn’t say it out loud but he was over the moon now that she was here.

“You’re not doing a very good job of it”, Steve said as he continued to walk on.

“I just know you’re stubborn as a mule”, Robin groused. “And you smell like one too.”

She twisted his ear and then ran ahead, laughing as he shrieked and chased after her. Their chase took them a considerable length before they stopped as the path started to steepen.

“It’s not fair…that you’re so fast…when you run like that”, Steve panted.

Robin was still laughing while she leaned against a boulder, also trying to catch her breath. Steve put himself against tree and they could only hear their panting and the wind rustling the trees. Then they heard another sound. This one coming from the forest around them. They both tensed up. Robin slowly reached for the dagger at her hip.

The moment she did, they were ambushed. Just as Steve saw rope come around Robin, he felt arms come around him. He struggled in their hold until he felt something cold against his neck. He froze and saw that Robin’s arms were tied to her torso, a sword pressed to her stomach.

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!”, he growled. That was his sister, his littermate, they had gone through their entire lives together. If anyone hurt her-

“Simmer down, you.”

Steve turned his head to see a man appear from the trees, more coming around them. Steve knew a band of thieves when he saw them. But they were still on the main road. The only one bold enough to ambush travelers like this was…but it couldn’t be…

The Bandit King

“Cute little fillies like you shouldn’t be out on the road alone”, the man said. He had wide, dark eyes, filled with mirth. “Let’s see what you’ve got”, he said, moving towards Steve.

Robin screamed for him and Steve wanted to thrash but the knife at his neck kept him still. The man, alpha now that Steve could smell him, ignored her. His scent filled Steve’s nose and then traveled through his body in a way no other scent ever had. The alpha got close enough to reach into Steve’s pockets and rumbled as the omega’s scent hit his nose.

Then, very quickly, Steve squirmed, Robin shouted and broke free, the person holding Steve said “Eddie what the fuck?”, and Robin had her dagger against the alpha’s neck.

“Alright…wow”, Eddie held his hands up. “How’s about we all slow down and talk about this?”

“You’re gonna let my brother go and you’re gonna let us free!”, Robin nearly roared.

“Hey, Jeff buddy, maybe let him go?”

Steve was released and the moment he was, Robin pushed Eddie away. She and Steve walked closer to each other, then back to back.

“Look, we got off on the wrong foot”, Eddie said. His hair was dark and curly, brushing his shoulders. Everything about him seemed inviting to Steve. He couldn’t articulate why, but he wanted to believe him.

“Yeah, you really fucked up your first impression”, Robin frowned.

“Then let me make a good second impression. You guys are probably hungry after all that walking, right?”

“Have you been stalking us?”, Steve asked, fists raised.

“Wouldn’t be a good pack of robbers if we didn’t know how to hunt. But you two don’t seem like average rubes. Some come, eat with us, our camp isn’t too far off.”

Without waiting for an answer, Eddie walked off, his followers falling into step behind him as he went into the trees.

“We’re not, really going with him right?”, Robin asked.

Steve thought it over, denying the little voice that said he simply wanted to scent that alpha, this Eddie because that was an absolutely stupid reason to go with a thieving alpha.

“If he wanted our belongings, he could’ve taken them”, Steve reasoned. He had a whole pack. Robin may have caught them off guard, but it wouldn’t have been hard to regain the upper hand simply by having strength in numbers. Steve followed the group and Robin only hesitated for a second before going after him.

“This is stupid. This is stupid. This is stupid”, she muttered.

“Noted”, Steve hissed under his breath. “Look, free meal. And we need to save as much money as we can.”

“Shushsshshhh! Don’t let them know we have money!”, Robin whispered harshly.

Steve rolled his eyes. “I think they know.”

They came to a camp ground and saw that the pack was about a dozen strong. But something they also noticed was the youth of the group. Even the Bandit King himself seemed younger than he should be.

“The Bandit King has been a terror since my father’s time. You can’t be him”, Steve accused.

Eddie smirked at him. “You’ve got it. You’ve discovered my secret…I’m….actually…the Bandit Prince!”

“Prince?”, Robin cringed.

“This was my old man’s title before it became mine. And I intend to honor his legacy. In all my roguish glory. And you might be just who we’re looking for.”

Robin gulped and Steve tried to figure out how the news could have traveled that quickly. They’d only been gone a couple of days. Then Eddie snapped his fingers.

“Do you wanna join our pack?”

Part 3

[goalsongspinkthongs]

Wow, This is So Terrible, That I Kind Of Love It.

more tz x little!sisters!friend

!!! allusions to sex, but nothing in detail !!!

Ah, the tricky business of life. Just when you think you’ve navigated one emotional minefield, the universe obliges you by throwing a new one right in your path. But here’s the thing: sometimes you step on the mines anyway, not because you want to explode, but because you want to see where the explosion takes you. Which, for the record, is not the best reason to do anything, but is sometimes the reason you do something. I’ll let you decide whether this is one of those times.

So, the night after Trevor and I had that kiss—a kiss that seemed like an impossible thing, a gift, and a curse all wrapped in one—I found myself lying in bed, unable to sleep, replaying the whole evening in my mind like a song I couldn’t get out of my head. Trevor. The kiss. The way everything felt both too fast and too slow, as though we had leapt into a story neither of us had been prepared to write, but which we were now somehow both in.

But despite the romantic movie playing in my head, the truth was that I was also terrified. Terrified because there were so many layers to this mess—Ava, for one, whose sleeping face I could picture perfectly in my mind. It’s hard to be a good best friend when you’re secretly in love with your best friend’s brother. It’s even harder when the “secret” is suddenly out in the open, and you’re not entirely sure if everyone’s going to be okay when it all falls apart. Which was inevitable. It had to be, right?

But none of that mattered tonight. None of that mattered when the moonlight filtered in through the window, casting everything in a kind of otherworldly glow, and when Trevor—somehow, unbelievably—was standing in my doorway again, his figure outlined against the dim light. I hadn’t heard him come in. I hadn’t even heard the house settle. But here he was. And somehow, it was as if we were already halfway through the story, with no way to go back.

“You’re still awake,” Trevor said softly, his voice both an observation and a question.

I blinked up at him, unsure of what to say. I had convinced myself—convinced myself, mind you—that I would be able to ignore him. That I would be able to turn over and go to sleep, pretending like the kiss hadn’t meant anything, pretending like he hadn’t just opened a door I was too afraid to walk through.

But I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

“You, uh... you’re not going to leave, are you?” I said, sitting up in bed. The question hung in the air like a dare, like a challenge I wasn’t sure I wanted to accept.

Trevor stood there, framed in the doorway like a figure in a painting, and for a second, it felt like time itself had paused, like the universe was holding its breath in anticipation of whatever came next.

“No,” he said, his voice low and almost... shy? That wasn’t the Trevor I knew. Not the one who had always been so confident, so sure of himself. But maybe he wasn’t so sure anymore. Maybe, just maybe, he was as terrified as I was.

“You okay?” he asked, stepping forward now, slow and deliberate, as if testing the waters before diving in. The soft creak of the floorboard beneath his feet sounded impossibly loud in the otherwise silent room.

“I’m fine,” I said, though my voice was unsteady. “I’m just... thinking.”

���About what?” He was closer now, just a few feet away. I could smell him—the faint, familiar scent of his cologne, mixed with something earthy, something that reminded me of late nights spent talking in the garage while Ava played her music too loud in the background.

“About everything,” I said, unsure of how much to say, how much to admit.

He stopped. And then, with a decision that was both sudden and inevitable, he reached out.

His hand brushed against my shoulder, his fingers just grazing my skin, a tentative touch that sent a shock through my body.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Trevor said, his voice so quiet I could hardly hear it. He was standing there, uncertain, his hand still hovering like he wasn’t sure whether it should land or pull away.

I didn’t say anything at first. I couldn’t. But I could feel the pull, the magnetic force between us, the one that made all my previous decisions—my carefully constructed excuses, my fears, my guilt—seem utterly irrelevant. It was just Trevor, and me, and this moment, suspended in a space between what had been and what could be.

He let his hand drop to my arm, his fingers tracing the bare skin of my wrist in a way that felt... intentional. He wasn’t asking for permission. He was taking it, as if he had decided, in that moment, that the world could wait. That we could wait.

And then, before I could even process what was happening, his lips were on mine again.

It was a different kiss this time. Less hesitant. Less unsure. This kiss was urgent, hungry, a collision of what we had both been avoiding, a confession we had both been too afraid to voice until now. His hands were on my shoulders, pulling me closer, and I let him, because the alternative—pushing him away—felt like an impossibility.

I don’t know how long it lasted—minutes? Hours? It felt like an eternity, and yet, it was too short. It was too brief, like the moment before a storm breaks, when you’re suspended in the air, waiting for the ground to shake.

And then, as suddenly as it had begun, Trevor pulled back, his chest rising and falling as though he too had just come up for air.

His eyes were searching mine now, as though waiting for something—approval? Regret? A sign that this wasn’t a mistake?

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t put the words together to explain what was happening, what I wanted to happen. So instead, I did what I always do when I’m overwhelmed: I kissed him again.

And this time, it was different. This time, there was no doubt. No fear. No hesitations. It was just us—two people who had been circling each other for too long and who, now, had finally crashed into the same space, the same reality.

Everything that had been left unsaid was suddenly spoken in the quietest of ways, in the soft pressure of our lips, in the way our hands tangled, pulling us closer, until we were both breathless, tangled in something that felt like both the beginning and the end of everything.

And then... well.

It happened.

There’s a difference between kissing someone and doing something more, of course. A difference that’s hard to describe, even harder to understand in the moment. But as we found ourselves on the edge of it all, tangled in sheets, bodies close, I couldn’t help but think that the world had narrowed down to one undeniable fact:

There was no turning back.

Not for me. Not for Trevor. Not for us.

[yrsdf]

The cold wind cuts across his face. His vision is blurred from the condensation that forms over his breath. He pulls the scarf tighter around his neck and adjusts the goggles on his head that lay above his mask. He squints at the dark, snowy landscape and begins walking towards his girlfriend, eyes focused on the ground for any landmines or traps that might have been left by the enemy. His left hand is holding the radio antenna, listening for any messages from the other squads, while the right pulls up his sleeve revealing the wristwatch that’s been strapped around it for the last month. He isn’t paying attention and you trail off ahead of him walking beside an abandoned house, your gun in hand as a loud boom is heard, his eyes look forward and all he sees is a large thick cloud of smoke, and his girlfriend not in sight.

Konig makes it to the house, and the smell of smoke and destruction fills his nostrils and burns his throat.

"Damn it, where are you?" 

He coughs, and his vision still hasn't fully corrected itself, making it even harder to make a clear path toward his goal.

Frustration and fear begin to build as his hands grasp at anything, desperately searching.

he hears her, the sound of gasping and small sobbing

Konig scrambles toward the sound. He pushes the door open, and staggers as he pushes his way through the debris littering the floor. The smoke forces him to double over, and he coughs and wipes away tears from his eyes.

As his vision starts to return, he reaches his hand out blindly, and finally comes in contact with her. 

"___! I'm here."

He falls to his knees beside her, gently feeling her face, then moving to her side, searching for more wounds or anything to stem the blood. 

"my love… darling!?"

Konig takes her hand and whispers to her. His vision is still hazy and his ears ring with the sound of the explosion, and tears well in his eyes. The smoke makes it hard to breathe and his vision becomes blurred as he tries to clear away the tears.

He leans close to her, gently touching her cheeks and the sides of her face.

 "___, you can't leave me,"

 he says, his voice wavering.

she can’t really make out his face, she shakily places a bloody hand on his face, gently rubbing his cheek until her arms begin to go weak, her hand falls limp against his leg, her gasps turn into smaller shallower breathing

Her hand is cold and frail against his warm face, and tears stream down his cheeks.

Konig holds her close, wrapping his arms about her as she lies in his lap.

 "Please, _____. Please hold on,"

 he pleads.

He buries his face between his arms, and weeps. 

"This can't be happening."

 A feeling of despair and emptiness fills his chest. 

"Please."

she leans her head against his shoulder as her breathing comes to an end, her small body limp against his, her heart beat slow and almost gone

"No..No,No,NoNoNo.."

 he slurs as his voice breaks.

 "Please, ____."

Konig holds her close, and for a moment closes his eyes. His hands gently cup her head, and he kisses her hair. 

"What am I going to do without you, ___?"

 he whispers. 

"How will I live with myself for not keeping you safe? What was I supposed to do?" 

His voice wavers, and he trembles.

___________________

back to the base

As Konig returns to base, he passes by the lifeless bodies of his fellow soldiers, the sight causing him to stumble.

Once he gets inside, he collapses to the floor as exhaustion and anguish wash over him. A sudden sense of guilt consumes him, and he presses his hands into his temples and presses hard in an effort to hold back an explosion of tears within him.

He lays there for a long time, feeling each breath like a burning sensation in his lungs. 

"It's not fair-,"

 he says, and his voice breaks as he buries his head into his knees.

___________

years pass

The years have changed everything. Konig once saw himself as a boy scout, a well-mannered, level-headed, and calm individual. But now he feels a great emptiness where his heart used to be. Instead, it was replaced with a cold, calculating attitude where he views all others as either useful or worthless.

He is filled with a constant anger, and a desire for vengeance, for redemption. He sees all those around him as weak and soft and he despises their apathy. He pushes himself harder than ever before, in combat training, in his career, in everything.

Konig lies in his bed, drifting between sleep and wakefulness. He can feel a warmth against him as if someone is lying with him, and he smiles. 

-___? Is that you?-

he thinks, and turns over to search for her.

[rj-orion]

"Found You." A short story by me!!

"I found you!!" I screeched at my sister as she emerged from her not so amazing hiding spot, "I always finding you! You suck at this game!"

My sister scoffed and rolled her eyes, momma says she'll see her brain one of these days, "You only find me because I let you!" Not a chance, she's just bad at hide and seek. Even if she's older than me.

"Nu-uh! Prove it! Hide really *really* good a-and I'll still find you!" She agrees to my terms and I start counting.

"60 seconds!" She tells over her shoulder as she runs away.

That's all it took. Just 60 seconds for my sister to disappear. I remember that day like it just happened, even after 20 years. I closed my little eyes and started counting, I wasn't that good at numbers yet, but I am now. I had visited our old house as soon as I got my investigation licence. Our parents still lived there, so it was nice to see them, but I was on the job.

I searched her old room, and mine. Mom and dad refused to change them at all. There was a thicker layer of dust on her stuff then there was on mine. I read her notebooks, her journals, her old computer still worked too so I searched that. Nothing all that useful though.

Siera wasn't very secretive, she told me everything, and told our parents even more. She couldn't lie if her life depended on it. That was fact.

I searched the house more than once, twice, even three times before deciding to move outside. Looking at the backyard made me feel way too big; this yard used to feel like a jungle when I was 7.

I started walking around the graveyard of painful bittersweet memories, grimacing with a sad smile at the place I had found her last. I had always felt guilty for telling her to hide again. She didn't have to listen to me, but she did. 'That's what big sisters do', she said.

I tried to think how she would think; where would I go, as an 12 year old, to hide from a 7 year old.

My first thought was the treeline, but police and dogs and even helicopters had gone over this forest maybe a hundred times so I decided to rule that option out.

The next thought was the cliffs. We lived in the mountains, no 7 year old would go to the cliffs...

So that's where I went.

The woods were thicker out here, like they didn't want to be walked into. Strangely enough; it got thinner as quick as it had gotten thicker, and the woods were normal again, albeit a little quiet.

It's about midday when I realise I'd been walking for a while. I didn't know the woods were so vast back here; I thought I'd surely have reached the mountains by now.

I paused to take note of my surroundings; trees, weird rock, more trees, a small puddle from the recent rain storm, more trees.. it felt like it was going on forever. I checked my watch to see how much longer I could be out here and–

"What the hell.." I muttered, confused. My watch said 8:45, the exact same time I had walked into the woods back at the house, "Goddamn smart watch.. I probably don't have good connection.." I sighed heavily and shook my head, figuring that I'd just need to judge it based on the sun.

I was about to keep walking when I heard what sounded like a woman's voice far out to my left; against my better judgement and my knowledge I yelled out a simple 'Hello?', only to get silence in return. I shrugged and kept walking, it was most likely a bird.

I kept hearing that woman, she sounded like she was getting closer the more I walked and she sounded like she needed help. 'Shes on my path, why not check it out..' I found myself thinking. And then I found myself walking a little faster; an uneasy feeling started to settle under my skin. Like the unhinged and more deranged cousin of goosebumps.

Then I was running. I wasn't sure what started it; the birds started getting really loud, a heard something big run through the forest–probably a bear–and then, all of a sudden, everything went still.

No more birds. I stopped running, almost tripping. The only sound was 2 pairs of ragged breathing. Mine, and...

A felt a gust of hot air on my back and the smell of rancid, rotting meat fill my nose. I quickly turned around to see—

There she stood; 15 feet tall. Her hair was the only thing that distinguished her. Long and deep, deep red. Her other features were...long gone. Her skin was replaced and stretched over a lengthy, bony body, and it had blackened to the colour of obsidian.

She didn't have a face anymore. In it's place was a long, uneven and cracked, pale white skull. Branch like antlers shot out from either side of her head. This wasn't my Siera anymore, but still...

"I found you, again.."

[therealjackdsaf]

warning me being stupid and dumb about things I like under the cut

[CLICK]

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Angel McCarthy, regarding their time missing between the months of January and April, 2012. Original statement given May 15th, 2013. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I… I guess, erm, I should just start, then, right? All right. Ahem. This happened a few months ago, um, New Year’s Eve, exactly. Back in California, USA.  I had been working on my writing, a novel about deities and succubi, when I was struck with a rather severe case of writer’s block. It was late, but I decided to venture out into the forest surrounding my home. I lived with my father, at the time, a rather rude old bastard, but for some reason he… he never minded me leaving, if it was for the forest. Ahem.

I walked out the front door, the crisp, pre-spring air filling my lungs. It was a familiar scent- I grew up playing with my siblings in that house, and- Oh. I’m getting off topic. Right, so, I ventured into the forest, making note of things I could incorporate, or, y’know, use in my story, when I suddenly realized- the part of the woods I had gotten to looked… strange. Different.

Now, that was unusual, since I knew the forest like the back of my hand. I knew the path I had taken well, due to the fact I used to go fruit picking down this path with my brother and sister. It had the same elements, but it had a weird feeling to it: like it was fake, y’know? I’ve had derealization episodes before, but this… it was different. Nonetheless, I steeled myself, and continued.

And for a while, it stayed normal. Or, well, you know, not normal, but, unchanging. I figured I had just had an episode due to the argument I had with my father hours prior. I figured it was just my anxiety acting up. I figured the brighter shades of green flickering on the trees was a trick of the light.

I had only realized something was off when I looked at one of the trees: it looked like a bad model of a tree, like from a 3D game that just didn’t land the mark correctly with its rendering.

And as I progressed, I realized that the trees, and ground, got more pixilated and fake looking. I finally decided enough was enough, so I turned around, but there wasn’t… a forest, anymore. No.

It was a green door. A large green door, with blacked, tinted windows, and golden J-shaped handles. Then I turned around. The same door. I was starting to feel stressed out, but I tried to steel my nerves and think logically. There was probably someone inside. Someone who could help. Maybe.

There wasn’t.

The second I walked inside, I knew something was wrong. There was a strong scent of… Grease and something sour. It made my skin prickle. I almost vomited. I slowly stepped inside, looking around. It seemed to be an arcade. There were huge arcade boxes, air hockey tables, things like that.

I was already regretting going inside, when he showed up.

He was tall. Far too tall to be human. Not that he could’ve been human. No. The only thing humanoid about him was his frame. He was like a figure drawing. Something an art student would sketch up, except, he didn’t have a face. Or rather, he did, but it wasn’t… normal. It was like a bird. Or, maybe, a plague dictor mask. And he was completely hollow. I could see right through him, literally.

His voice was loud, bitcrushed, and seeming to come from everywhere in the arcade, almost as if he was the arcade. So, I asked who he was, and where we were. He laughed, a sort of, ‘Jeheheh’ if that makes sense. J seemed to be a common theme for him. Along with green.

He told me his name was Jota, and we were in Jota’s arcade, a place where “Fun Spreads Like The Plague!” Macabre theme, I muttered, but he didn’t seem to notice.

He took me to a room- It looked like the main dining room to a greasy kid’s pizza joint. Do they have Chuck’E’Cheeze here? Unimportant. It was sort of like that, you know, and the smell of grease seemed to get stronger. He told me to take a seat, and that I had caught him on a good day, not everyone gets such a pleasant interaction with the owner. That’s what he said.

And I could tell he meant it. He definitely had a threatening aura around him. One of his arms was severely… glitchy. Yes, it looked glitched. His fingers on that hand came to sharp, green points, and he carried a green scythe with him. Almost like a god of death.

What I asked next seems stupid now, but I asked him if I was dead. He simply laughed, his Jehehe,  and shook his head. “Far from it. This is the single most alive place you’ll ever be.” He told me, and I felt a shiver go up my spine as I felt he meant it.

I asked how to leave. His expression seemed to falter.

I decided not to ask about it again. I don’t think I would’ve made it out if I asked again.

And then he asked me to play a game. He said it was simple, a short game, it wouldn’t take long. I had a terrible feeling, and… I’m sorry, I can’t do this, I- I have to go.

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

Angel attempted to leave, stating that they feared “he was watching” and that “they don’t want him to find [them]”.

I’m honestly not sure what to believe for this one. It’s highly likely that Angel had a long term hallucination, but it doesn’t explain why they were missing for months, with no sign of them being in the woods. 

We cannot question their father for the details, nor either of their siblings, as Michael, Delilah, and Gabriel McCarthy have all sadly passed since then. Angel also refused to come to London for further questioning, which, makes sense, considering the distance and the fact they wish to put all of the happenings at their house behind them. They’ve settled with a wife, Lilith Potter. Hm.

I have a few other statements from them made on the same date, most of them starting with ‘I’m here, might as well’, but as far as I could tell the only mention of that plague doctor was once in an earlier statement, and surrounded by nonsensical ramblings about mirror people, and gods. I know that we don’t need anything getting into the religious territory. Not anymore.

Ahem. Well, I suppose that’s it, then. Though, one thing did come across as strange… I have been able to find a page on the website tumblr that bears striking similarities to the place Angel described. I might have to look into this further. Hmm.

Recording ends.

[CLICK]

[elithilanor]

My turn to submit a character ask! For upcoming disability pride month, how would they be with a blind/visually impaired elven partner? Rumil, Haldir, Glorfindel, and Arwen addition!

No pressure. Get to it whenever you can. I just thought I’d write it down before I forgot. :)

HAPPY DISABILITY PRIDE MONTH, Y'ALL! Remember to take your meds, drink water, and protect your (mental and physical) space and health with all the viciousness of a feral bobcat. 

I'd like to preface this by saying that I myself am not visually impaired/ blind myself, so please let me know if anything I've mentioned would be more harmful than helpful and I'll change accordingly.

Haldir 

-Very good about making sure there is a strong support network in place while he’s gone

-Re-writes any and all texts in the house so they're a size that is easy for his partner to read. Makes a habit of buying large-print and/or braille reading materials.

-Meticulously keeps the house clean and doesn’t rearrange anything without clearing it with you first so you can find everything.

-He's probably a little overprotective and has to learn where your capabilities are has to be somewhat reminded that you're capable of taking care of yourself. He has a bad tendency of hovering when you're outside of the talan, but as you spend more time together, he relaxes. Will always be looking ahead on paths for trip hazards.

Arwen 

- Reads out loud to you if you let her. Especially a fan of this if you're in her arms and she can run her fingers through your hair.

- Will often recite sultry love poetry in your ears in bed (does this anyway because she's a fucking menace and it gets you hot and bothered).

- Enlists others like her mother, Celebrían, and Erestor and Lindir to make the garden paths (and all of Imladris) more accessible in terms of trip hazards, gradients, and wideness. The only real exception to this is unfortunately the ways in and out of Imladris due to decades of sieges. They're working with the architects.

Glorfindel 

- He really likes being outside with you and his friends so he takes you on lots of walks and does the very courtly walking you around on his arm if you let him. He loves it. He also often can be seen with a parasol so you can always have relief from any heat in the summers. (I hc Imladris as kind of humid in the summer due to the rivers and he likes being able to help in one way at least.)

- Enlists Lindir or Erestor to spend time with you when he's gone and help you with anything you may need.

- Glorfindel is the most dog person I can envision in LotR/Silm so if you have a guide dog, he'll spend a lot of time training with them to be fully versed in all commands and requirements and is very careful and restrains himself when the dog is working. Glorfindel has golden retriever energy, I'm sorry.

Rúmil

-Is very communicative and telegraphs what he’s doing with very precise directions and instructions (in bed and out ;)

- He learned your boundaries and places where you needed assistance and stuck to them early on and doesn't deviate from that. He checks in on you a lot to see if you need help, but does his best to stay out of the way until it's vocalized.

- He has complete confidence in you and is rarely worried, but crowded events still kind of stress him out quite a bit and he always has to manage his emotions more in situations like that.

- Will describe his paintings and any outside landscapes in detail so you can experience it, as well.

Thanks for the ask! :)

[selkieflesh]

OC in 15

tagged by @foxboyclit

Rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

no pressure tagging:

Eden

“When I think about my name, I picture a lush and green place. Golden sunlight dappling through a canopy, the humid and sweet smell of earth.”

"I hate when you make this seem like anything but my choice. Anything but a gnarled path of choices laid out before me that I charged towards the worst of. Every time I'm hurt it's my fault. Every time I bleed I'm holding the knife. I'm not a victim,"

“Some suicidal bitch on a bender- that's so sweet. No, dude. I don't purge my wicked soul by branding myself with little smiley faces.”

"But you can bite. That's, like, half of what kissing is."

"Every time I kneel to pray, I get pissed that it takes you so long to show up." They growled, squeezing him tighter.

"I can't exactly beat down a 200 pound man while retaining control of a massive vehicle."

"I'd rather chew off my own foot than keep breathing like this."

"Will you talk to me like I'm your last hope? Not a house cat bringing you a sparrow?"

"I wonder if you'll be brittle, or strong." Eden murmured, pressing their palms inward and listening closely. There wasn't a crunch yet, just a creak.

"I wonder how you lived. There's two plates set in the dining room."

"Two plates! Did she leave you? Alone and waiting, creeping up to your room when the hour got too late, when she didn't walk through the door?"

"She got tired of you." They whispered, shifting and settling their weight on their knees, lowering and feeling more crunching under the covers. "She got tired of you, and she drove a knife straight through your chest."

"Was I so crazy to think you could read my mind? You were there every second, you knew what I wanted at every twist and turn. It pisses me off. It makes me feel hot and dizzy and limbless. Your eyes are so sweet and your face is so smooth and I don't know how to stop talking when you stare at me like that! What... What was I mad about again?"

"They're squishy and strange. Their skin is blank and smooth, and their eyes glimmer with a sincerity I don't think I've ever had. I'll never be that. They've made something twisted of me."

"You've made a home in me. Carved out half of my life and cradled it in your hands. I'm scared, Colpach. I don't think I've ever said it out loud before. I don't think I ever will again."

[kassiekole22]

I'll Carry You

Warnings: Gore, Angst... Word Count: 1.1k MasterList: 🖤 Jason's Angels: @lorebite, @yellowroses-world, @house-of-kolchek, @yeslieutenant, @koexchange, @yesitsloulou, @mistmoose, @jasonexo, and @mornandil.

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While walkin' down the halls of Camp Slayer in a hurry to get to a meetin' I was late for, I heard a loud curse come from one of the rooms. I opened the door to find our newest member of the team, (Y/N), layin' on the floor. I entered the room, chucklin' to myself.

"What'd you do this time?" I asked as I eyed her body on the ground. It seemed as if she tripped and fell.

"I tripped over that damn box!" She grumbled as she glared at the full box that sat in the middle of the floor. Exactly what I had thought.

"Well, maybe you should be more careful?" I suggested as I crossed my arms over my chest and shrugged my shoulders. She peeled her angry gaze off of the box and turned it over to me as her brows furrowed.

"Maybe you should stop being a prick!" She growled and I laughed. God, I loved it when she'd get angry.

"Come on. We're late for our meetin'." I walked towards the door but didn't hear an extra set of footsteps behind me. I turned around to see her still laying on the floor.

"(Y/N)?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I think I sprained my ankle." She whispered as if she was ashamed while rubbin' her right ankle. I heaved an annoyed sigh before approachin' her. "W-What are you doing?"

"You need to go to the Medical Sargeant." I said as I scooped her up in my arms. "I'll carry you."

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A few months later, we were on a mission and things were goin' quite well. I made sure to keep (Y/N) close in case anythin' were to go south. I got distracted while helpin' Rachel with interrogation when (Y/N) wandered off. That's when I heard the gunfire. I ran out to see what was goin' on. We were under attack and (Y/N) was nowhere to be seen! After shootin' some enemy soldiers down and orderin' Nick to cover me, I began my search for (Y/N).

To my surprise and horror, I found a blood trail and decided to follow it, only to find (Y/N) wounded at the very end. I fell to my knees at her side and pressed my hands down on the bullet holes in her stomach. She winced and groaned in pain but I had to stop the bleedin'.

"(Y/N), I am so, so sorry." I felt tears burnin' the corners of my eyes as I watched a little bit of blood drip from the corner of her mouth. Her glossed over eyes peered up at me as her tremblin' hand reached up to caress my face gently. She seemed delirious from the blood loss.

"It's o-ok, Jase. I-It's not you're fault." She whispered before coughin' up more blood. Jase. She called me Jase.

"Don't worry. I'll get you out of here." I promised as I carefully picked her up and cradled her in my arms. She nuzzled her face into my chest and my heart swelled with a new feelin' for her. She was no longer a colleague or a friend to me. No. She was much more to me now. And because of that, I'd never let anythin' hurt her again. "I'll carry you."

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Never did I think that things could go worse than that day, but an incident a few weeks later proved me wrong. First we got attacked while lookin' for weapons of mass destruction, then we fell through the fuckin' ground and ended up God only knows where, and now I'm separated from (Y/N). I slowly and cautiously walked down a dark tunnel, hopin' to find (Y/N) and not one of those creatures. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms again. I was broken away from my worried thoughts when I heard her cries in the distance.

I took off runnin' in the direction of the distressed sounds until I found another blood trail, much larger than the one on the day she got shot. I felt my chest tighten with fear as I followed the crimson path to somethin' that I'd never forget. Somethin' that will be engraved in my mind for the rest of my life and after. Somethin' that I'd never recover from.

I quickly ran over to my girlfriend and sank to my knees by her side. There was so much blood. The whole front of her had been clawed open. She slowly looked up at me with tears in her eyes and I knew... I knew...

"(Y/N)..." I felt the tears of grief, fallin' down my cheeks as I watched the life fade from my lover's eyes. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

"No, Jason-" Her voice came out hoarse and by the sounds of it, blood was fillin' her lungs.

"Yes!" I cried out, cuttin' her off. "I should have stayed with you! I shouldn't have let you get separated from me!"

"Jason, you c-couldn't s-stop this from happening. Y-You can't a-apologize for something when it's not your fault." Her hand came up to caress my face, just like before. Just like any time she would comfort me. She was the one who was dyin' and she was comfortin' me. God bless her.

"It is my fault. I-" My voice got cut off by a choked sob. "I'm so sorry for this."

"Jase..." She whispered softly. Her voice was growin' slower. She sounded so tired. Fuck. "I love you."

"I love you too." I murmured between sobs as I began to caress her face as well.

I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her bloody lips before pullin' back to smile down at her and take in all of her gorgeous features, knowin' that this would be my last chance to do so. She smiled sweetly at me while another all too familiar trickle of blood dripped from her mouth and down her chin as her eyes twinkled with their last little bit of light. Only seconds later, that light faded away completely and her hand fell from my cheek, hittin' the ground with a soft thud. Her expression fell and in that moment, I knew my little girl was gone.

I sat with her in my arms for what felt like hours, cryin' and countin' every mistake I made and all of the regrets, burnin' them into my mind to haunt me for an eternity. I stroked her pale face until her skin went cold. I knew I had to leave but I couldn't leave her behind. I knew she wasn't there anymore but I couldn't bring myself to let go. Not yet. Maybe never. Givin' her one last kiss on her forehead, I scooped her up in my arms.

"Don't worry. I'll carry you."

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[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 4: Perfect Ending

Narrated by Yexiao.

Narrator: Days fly by as I devote myself to the preparations. The day of the performance soon arrives.

Narrator: I peek into the auditorium from backstage and see many familiar faces.

Narrator: The curtain opens and the lights come on. It's time for me to shine.

Narrator: Dressed in the Candy Witch costume, with the help of props, I slowly descend onto the stage, just like a real witch.

Narrator: The audience in the auditorium gasps unanimously.

Audience A: Wow! She's adorable!

Audience B: It's really the Candy Witch herself!

Narrator: The Candy Witch lives alone on the border between two countries, surrounded by lofty crags, thorny vines, and not a trace of civilization.

Narrator: The Candy Witch likes this secluded place very much. She used colorful candies to build a small house in the forest.

Narrator: She may like peace and quiet, yet her sweet candy house is nothing if not loud. Perhaps this reflects the true personality of the Candy Witch.

Choose either "Solitude and candy aren't conflicting things" or "Perhaps she doesn't like being alone that much."

If "conflicting," ...

You: Liking solitude and liking candy aren't exactly conflicting things, are they?

Narrator: After all, one never feels lonely when eating candy.

If "not alone," ...

You: Perhaps the witch is waiting for someone to walk into her candy house... and also into her heart.

Narrator: Surely that will happen... one day.

--

Narrator: I quietly arrive at the edge of the forest, where a wounded girl is sitting on the ground.

Jenny: Hello, my name is Jenny. I'm lost. May I ask how I could get out of the forest?

Witch: Why would you wander around aimlessly without knowing the way?

Narrator: I say, coldly, in a witch's tone, then turn and walk in the direction of the exit. After taking a few steps, I stop and look back at the bewildered girl.

Witch: Follow me.

Jenny: Thanks!

Narrator: Jenny is a gentle and kindhearted girl. She doesn't mind the witch's indifference, and instead happily follows her, all the while rambling about her adventures.

Narrator: She has a winged pet lamb, white and soft. It looks extra cute curled up in Jenny's arms.

Narrator: The forest is vast, but the witch somehow finds herself wishing that the path to the exit were longer. They soon arrive.

Narrator: The witch slows her pace and sneakily casts a magic spell, turning Jenny's lamb into a lifeless doll in her arms.

Jenny: Noooo!

Witch: If you want your lamb back, you will have to obey me.

Narrator: The witch gives Jenny some harsh demands. She must go deep into the forest to find three hidden treasures: magical spring water, honey, and a rose.

Narrator: Jenny agrees. To save her lamb, she searches desperately for the three treasures requested by the witch.

Narrator: The witch hops on her broom and follows Jenny in secret.

Narrator: Jenny is looking around in the east of the forest, yet she's unable to find the requested spring water.

Witch: She really has no sense of direction.

Narrator: The witch lightly taps her magic wand, so that the clear babbling of spring water becomes more audible. Jenny shouts triumphantly and follows the sound to find the spring hidden behind some bushes.

Narrator: Jenny then heads to the west of the forest and pushes through the dense thorn bushes to find the honey.

Narrator: The witch casts a spell to dull the thorns so they would not scratch Jenny's skin.

Narrator: Finally, Jenny goes to the north of the forest, looking for the rose in a garden shrouded by dark clouds.

Narrator: The witch gazes in her direction silently, until Jenny reappears from the darkness, a black rose in her hand.

Jenny: I found it! I found the treasures you wanted!

Narrator: The witch does not speak. Instead, she turns the treasures that Jenny found into candy.

Witch: Look at these two candies. If you can tell which is the one I created just now, I promise...

Jenny: I know, I know! Both candies are the correct answer!

Jenny: Because I can tell you never wanted to hurt me... Instead, you have been helping me this entire time. You will definitely bring back my lamb, right? After all, we are friends!

Witch: That's not it at all.

Narrator: The witch retorts, but still she removes the curse from the lamb.

Narrator: The lamb flutters its wings and flies to the witch's side, rubbing her cheek affectionately.

Narrator: Instantly, the witch's dress also turns into a brilliant golden color, just like the sun.

Narrator: The audience bursts into laughter.

Audience: So that's what really happened. The witch was messing with Jenny in hopes that she would stay.

Narrator: The performance ends without a hitch. I return home wearing my Candy Witch outfit.

You: The response to the show is very good. Everyone is talking about Candy Witch, saying she's as cute as a naughty little princess.

Narrator: Nodding to myself, I tear down a candy from the witch's costume and put it in my mouth. And then I sit down again in front of the canvas to start a new creation.

Narrator: The sweetness of the candy spreads in my mouth, as sweet as the end of this story.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

[loominggaia]

...“Hello! I have questions!” Elska called to the goblins in the field. They looked up at her warily, four of them total. As she walked closer, they fled together towards the barn. A farmhouse lie just beyond across another field. Elska broke out into a gallop and shouted, “Do not flee!”

    The goblins huddled together, screaming in fear as she approached. But she only stopped before them and said, “I am looking for the People of Stone and Bone. They have been captured by Kelvingyard slavers and sold across this land. Tell me where I can find centaurs like myself.”

    The goblins stared up at her, quivering in fright. They wore nothing but rags of burlap and the iron shackles on their wrists. They sunk lower when Elska bellowed, “Tell me now!”

    Finally, an old goblin spoke. His long ears drooped low with age, green skin weathered like a well-worn shoe. “There are no centaurs around these parts. This is only a small family farm; your power isn’t needed here. I haven’t seen one of your kind since I was a chulder in Kelvingyard.”

    Elska narrowed her eyes. “Tell me who buys centaurs,” she said.

The old goblin replied, “Folks who need heavy lifting done, I suppose. I seen your kind sell for a lot. It must be rich folks who took your people.” He waved her away and added, “Now please, you have to go! If our master catches us talking to a runaway, we’ll all get the iron poker!”

    “Come with me,” demanded Elska, offering her hand. “Join my quest and you will be free! We will fight these dogs together!”

The goblin shook his head and exclaimed, “No, no, miss! Please, leave us! Go!”

    With that, he ushered the group away and they scurried off towards the farmhouse. Elska trotted along beside them and growled, “This is your chance to be free, and still you choose to serve a master! Where is your pride, creature?”

    “We’ll all be caught and sent back to the yard!” another goblin told her. “Just get out of here and leave us be!”

“You are cowards! I will not let you shame yourselves this way!” growled Elska, and she jumped in the slaves’ path.

    They shrieked and flailed as she snatched two of their wrists. The other two sprinted away into the farmhouse. Elska shouted after them, “Come back!” while she struggled to wrangle the elderly goblin and a younger female.

    “Please, don’t! Don’t do this!” the old goblin begged. But Elska kept a firm hold on them, carrying them towards the house in pursuit of the others. The escapees disappeared behind the door, closing and locking it behind them.

    Elska heard their muffled voices inside, calling, “Master! Help us!” She reared up on her hind legs and bashed her hooves against the door. It broke off its hinges and hit the floor with a loud thud.

    Elska tossed her captives onto the floor. She pointed her finger at them and commanded, “Do not move!” Then she equipped her warhammer and slowly made her way further into the house.

    The interior was humble and rustic, the furniture built to seat small, human-sized species. Nearly everything was made of wood, with a stone fireplace in the center of the sitting room. Elska passed through a corridor, listening to the panic breaking out in some other room.

     She opened the first door she encountered. It led to a closet with a latrine inside. The next door opened to an empty bedroom.

     Before Elska could open the last door in the hall, someone else did it for her. He was a human man with an unkempt brown beard and matching hair, likely middle-aged. Though he was large for his kind, he was nowhere near large enough to fight Elska on his own, and he seemed to know it when he staggered back into the room at the sight of her. The two goblins cowered against the wall behind him.

     The man picked up a wooden stool, brandishing it as a weapon. “Oh, gods! Back! Back, you animal!” he shouted. Elska charged towards him without pause and bashed her hammer against his stool. The stool exploded into several pieces, leaving the man with nothing but one of its single broken legs.

     “Tell me who you are!” demanded Elska, looming over him like a cloud.The man backed himself against the wall, pointing the sharp end of the leg at her. “I’m the owner of this property!” he told her. “Get out of here! I don’t care who your master is, I’ll kill you if I have to!”

     Elska raised her hammer and the man let out a fearful scream. The goblins screamed too, shielding their eyes when his head exploded. Elska’s hammer crashed through his skull, splattering the wall with blood and gore. His body slumped over with a thump. In that instant, he was dead.

     Elska turned back to the goblins. “Now you serve no masters! Go forth and be free!”

     She exited the house just as swiftly as she appeared. The other two slaves had disobeyed her, for the sitting room was empty when she passed through it. When she stepped outside, she saw one of them bolting down the road on a horse.

     The man’s property now belonged to them, she thought, and they could do with his livestock as they pleased. She crossed the fields and headed for the next house on the horizon.

-Elska forcibly “rescues” some goblin slaves in the story “Unbreakable”

I love this scene so much because it describes Elska’s whole character in a nutshell. She will always do the right thing, but she will do it in the most insane, chaotic way possible lmao

[ask-nightmare-and-others]

Inspector: Yes indeed, started way back when I was just traveling through a Portal that opened up of no where so I went through it and entered a medieval world but right infront of me was this huge mountain with a Castle Fortress on top of it there was this sign that read "The Forbidden Mountain Fortress: turn back while you still can beware of The Mistress of All Evil" so what did I do I went up the stone path leading up to the The Forbidden Mountain Fortress I wanted to know who lives up there that's when i saw a goblin guard walking around the bridge like he was looking around to spot for any trespassers he was short look like a fat pig and he was wearing armor and held a long battle-axe he saw me and held his weapon very close to my face asking who am I and why was I trespassing at The Forbidden Mountain Fortress so I tell him that I didn't know who was living up there so I asked him if he knows he tells me that his Mistress Maleficent lives here and he tells me to follow him and as we both crossed the bridge more goblin guards show up weapons ready they all snarled and growled at me they got very close with very Sharp weapons swords, axes, bows and crossbows it was like I was in bigger trouble this was when they all felt the gust of wind blew at me and they're all's direction it was like the guard must of left me behind and told her that she had a guest the sky got dark thunder boom lightning flash striking the ground right infront of me and the guards back away as she appeared right before me green flames rised up from the ground and a dark figure came through it she was tall wearing Black and purple robes her skin was green and on top of her hair was a pair of horns she had a scepture in her left hand which ment she was very powerful and it was like she was surprised to see me but to Maleficent's eyes she could tell I wasn't around in her part of her world so she wanted to get to know me but also test myself of her service let's just say she asked me where did I come from and how did I get here so I tell her that some Portal vortex opens up to my house and I just go right into it and entered her realm which she tells me that she rules this very place and her guards serve her this got me thinking about her scepture staff now she knowest I was looking at it like I wanted to be just like her with my own staff she showed me everything what it means to be a powerful sorceress like herself she even made me this staff

-he snapped his fingers and his staff appeared with a blue Crystal and the staff handle was made by spruce wood-

Inspector: and she was so happy to show me everything all about herself and this is where she showed me her transformation into a Dragon and to me shock she was way bigger than my size and she wanted me to face her other self and if I defeat her we both would make a great deal of helping each other out and so we fought each other I got to give her credit she was very fast and quick with her sharp teeth but her fire breath it sounded like thunder booming so loud that it almost knock me over I ran away from her Flame's from getting burnt alive so I climbed up on one of her towers she snapped her jaws up at my direction it was like she wanted to get me I swing my staff and magic at her but she just got closer and closer till I got way to close by the edge it was like she had me cornered until my staff transform into a crystalist sword like it was showing me her weak spot on her chest where the heart was at as she was about to pounce on me I threw it at her direction striking her upper chest she let out the biggest scream I ever heard this still got her to come after me but I jumped out of her way as she tumbles down from her own Fortress and fell to her defeat I went down there to check if she was alright I saw the sword out of her chest I healed her wounded heart it was like she accepted my triumph victory and she helped me open a Portal back to my world but she told me to come back and visit her sometime soon and I kept my promise to go back anytime I wanted so I hid my staff from others who or what I was before I met Yang

Trying the inflation H2O:

This is... New..

Don't worry it's water

[drakinq]

120624

Winthrop, IL

9:52PM

I let my mind get the best of me today. Once again I wanted the morning to myself but everyone was home. My tooth has been bothering me which kept me up most of the night and then of course i woke up to them remodeling the bathroom. My tire got flat on my way out to run errands and by that time my body and mind felt overall gross. After my brother came to put on my tire with the meanest attitude, I just went to get coffee and smoke a joint. I haven’t been smoking much because I feel like no amount of weed has been helping me these days. But man that joint instantly calmed whatever anxiety I was feeling. & although it didn’t solve any major problems, I felt slightly more relaxed. I wanted to get more work done on my car but realized I didn’t have as much in my account and am gonna have to wait until next week. I’m so excited to get these two things off the list so I can finally move. I ended up canceling the walking pad I bought because I think I just need to get a gym membership to get out of the house. I tried to sign up for one of my favorite gyms but they are in the process of hiring me to teach Yoga so they said I might as well wait because I’ll get a free membership. Which was annoying but they’re gonna let me take a yoga class tomorrow for shadowing. Hopefully next week everyone is out of the house by 8AM and I can do my workouts from home and hopefully be fully hired at this gym. I really need to start my days running and a good stretch. I hate that my trauma is so deep and complex no one really understands why I’m struggling so badly. They think it’s all in my head and in my control but they have know idea how much CPTSD takes over your daily life, your daily enjoyment, peace , ect… I passed CYOC today and remembered the time mommy took me there when she was helping me at another low point in life where I wasn’t doing well. When she was able to she was always sacrificing for me. I hate that I make people feel like they arent enough. She was always enough for me. It’s so hard to fathom that she’s not gonna come back and make it all better for me. I’m heart broken seeing everyone around me live their lives and grow and experience joy while I’m over here suffering and doing everything in my power to get back to joy. But that’s the thing about inequality. I’m starting here and you’re starting there. That’s something I don’t think the people around me understand. I just want to lean into this time of isolation and pour into myself. I deeply can’t wait to get out of this house more and more where it doesn’t feel so wrong being me. I fantasize about the day God gets his glory through me. I complain about not feeling seen now but I know I’m growing into a woman that’s gonna have everyone’s attention. & it’s gonna be different than the cliche Instagram aesthetic. I’m going to be genuinely fine with my solitude. I’ll know who my real circle is. The impact I’ll have on my ministry in the dance world is gonna be culture changing. My talent, passion and work ethic is going to be undeniable. I imagine myself drunk in a bathroom overseas after performing on tour with my favorite artist. I’m gonna get to travel and continue to connect with my favorite dancers and choreographers. I was looking at my memories from the beginning of this year and I had to remind myself that I was just in LA and even though it was hard, my best dancing came out, I set up lifetime connections and opportunities to come back to. For crying out loud I became friends with Brad and Angelina’s daughter and taught her tons of my choreo. She still hits me up to this day. I was recognized by some of my all time favorite choreographers. Hell, just a few weeks ago I got to go see Tinashe VIP because I’m friends with all the dancers. I think the path to success is inevitable if I don’t let this time in life let me think otherwise. I need to remember that my mom died during the hardest time of my life and it was completely normal to the take the rest of the year off for mental health.